Find your people

Birds of a feather flock together. 

Dear fellow birds, are you surrounded by your birds? 

After arriving in Canada and starting my graduate study in UBC, I made some new friends in the university. One day, I went to a friend’s party. We were sitting together, trying to find a fun activity to do. 

“How about sharing our dreams?” I suggested with excitement. Then I heard crickets. 

“Seriously? That’s not cool.” One guy giggled and remarked. 

Back then, I was in my early 20s. My younger self sought to be likable, to be cool and fit in the group. I felt super embarrassed and my face blushed. I felt like a weirdo in that group as my cool friends talked about travel, sports, parties and dating. I wrapped up my dream topic and put it up in a dark spot in my mind. 

A few years later, I relocated and went to a Toastmasters meeting. I met a group of people who were really different from my friends in my 20s. To my astonishment, that meeting’s theme was about dream, and it was mind-blowing. 

One guy passionately talked about how dreaming big got where he is. His voice went up and down, and his eye contact was sticky. When I looked up to him, he looked at me in my eyes and ask: 

“Do you have a dream?” 

I nodded with skepticism. 

“If you want to live your life to the fullest, you have to dream big. Share your dream with your friends and keep your word.”

Seriously? Do you know that I was laughed at by talking about dreams? I secretly looked around. Strangely, no one seemed to be laughing at the speaker.  

Another guy talked about his journey of writing his first book, and he concluded: If you want to achieve your dream, you gotta dream small, act small and act regularly. 

What? Two back-to-back contradictory opinions? Both speakers took pride in their ideas. I didn’t hear anyone giggled or said that was not cool. On the contrary, everyone paid attention and they also gave constructive feedback. 

Then more people shared their stories of dreams. Other people warmly applauded those who were courageous to share. I heard inspiration, hope and positivity. 

When the meeting drew to an end, I felt a sense of belonging. I felt safe, at ease and natural. While I was listening and observing, I thought of my younger self feeling embarrassed in the party by the idea of talking about dreams. 

I had a sudden realization. Aha! It was not me! It was the group! My younger self didn’t find the right group. Now I found the right group of like-minded people, my people. In my eyes, this group of people is so cool. I felt glued to these people and also became a toastmaster. 

Notably, I met a lot of my people in the Toastmasters club. Because of one shared interest, my people of different age, background and culture commit to meet at the same time every week to share a reflection, a tip, a toast, a joke or a speech. Due to the pandemic, some of us may have never met in person yet, but we’ve shared stories and laughs through public speaking. 

We are the average of the 5 people we spent the most time with. It’s pivotal to surround ourselves with happy, open-minded people who share an interest, an objective, or a value, who we can learn from, who inspire us or influence us in a good way. 

If I could travel back to that party I had in my early 20s, I think I’d tell my younger self to walk out of the party and look for my people. I’d tell her to join toastmasters as I know a lot of people there would cheer her up and support her journey.