Are you speaking the right love language?

Mom, Dad, please stop fighting!

When I was a kid, one of my deepest fears was becoming a child of divorced parents because my parents fought a lot.

My emotional mom always wanted to get verbal affirmation from my dad to feel appreciated and loved, but my rational dad always thought the best love is to do something for her. 

I was always confused why my mom kept complaining that my dad doesn’t care or love her? I also felt my dad’s frustration that he gave my mom a lot of love in his way but she didn’t seem to appreciate that? 

When I learned the five love languages, I understood where my parents’ fights came from. They spoke different love languages.

What are the five love languages? Dr. Gary Chapman, a long-time marriage counselor defined the five love languages: words of affirmation, act of service, gift, quality time, and physical touch.

Out of the 5 love languages, 1 or 2 may be most meaningful to you; that’s your primary love language. After knowing the five love languages, I realized how many times we loved others so blindly by speaking our own love languages, completely ignorant of other people’s love languages. It’s no wonder that some relationships failed.

We all want to be loved, aren’t we? Giving and receiving love is a universal way humans speak to each other. When we are loved with the right love language, our hearts connect; a good relationship builds up, and we feel happier.

What’s your love language? Are you speaking the right love language to your loved ones?

Back to my parents’ story: after being married and fighting for over 30 years, they haven’t gotten divorced yet. They still fight, but much less than before. They don’t know anything about the five love languages, but over the years, they figured out their differences in expressing love.